Change your life with two words

Everything that you see, do, and feel are just thoughts. If you think I’m crazy, or wrong, or even if you think I’m correct… Those are thoughts, too. Our entire life’s experience from end to end is just millions of thoughts.

“Cool, so what?” you’d say, if you were here.

Once you truly understand that everything is a thought, you begin to unlock the superpower that we all possess: the ability to influence our thoughts and materially change our lives for the better. It can start with just one word. So today, I’ll give you two.

Upgrade your “shoulds”

Why are some people seemingly so much more productive or successful than others? Obviously countless factors are at play, but at least 25% of people say that they do not have enough time to make a change in their lifestyle. That’s interesting, because everyone has the same number of hours in a day, so why are some people capturing more of that time?

Let’s use my favorite example: exercise. Everyone would likely admit that exercise is important, and most people would say that they wish to make time in their life for exercise of some sort. So why are some people successful at this and others are not?

The answer, according to Tony Robbins, is that for some people, exercise is a must, while for others, it’s a should.

Be honest with yourself (don’t worry, I can’t hear you): when you are thinking about exercising or doing your laundry or starting that book you’ve wanted to read, does your internal voice say “I should do this”?

Is “should” poisoning your follow-through? Take note of when your internal voice says “should.” Choose one “should” and change it to a “must.”

Then do it.

Dump the “can’t”

How many times have you said something like “Sorry, I can’t do that”? When you say “I can’t,” you’re giving up all control and responsibility. In some cases that’s entirely OK, like if you say you can’t give someone access to a production system because that access is strictly controlled, or you can’t approve an expense report for something the company doesn’t let people expense. Those are true externalities; they aren’t really choices.

In almost every other case you can imagine, you have a choice. It might be an obvious choice, like choosing a work meeting over a social lunch because missing the meeting would endanger your good standing at work, but it’s still a choice.

Many times when we say we “can’t,” we’re trying to give away the responsibility of the decision. By changing the word, we can change the entire way in which we exercise our agency, and it can feel incredible to do it. For real.

For instance, a colleague sends you a meeting invite that conflicts with a one-on-one with one of your directs. You might be tempted to respond “I can’t make this, I have a conflict,” but as true as that feels, it robs you of your agency. You could move the one-on-one. It isn’t impossible to resolve the conflict. Instead, try “Sorry, I don’t re-schedule one-on-ones.”

That’s a somewhat contrived example, but I want you to take note of the difference in tone between saying “can’t” and saying “don’t.” When you can’t, you’re helpless, it’s out of your control, it’s reluctant compliance. When you don’t, it’s a principle, a choice, a positive action.

Stop living in reluctant compliance. Live your values.

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